How to get through hardships and become a magical vessel for all things awesome.

After a few clicks of the mason jars, airy cheek smooches, and a round of “Damn ladies, you’re looking incredible”, we settled into the obligatory debriefing of what has happened in our lives as hard charging metropolitan ladies attempting to have it all (and who rarely have time for this type of thing). Shortly into the conversation, began the comment that left me dumbfounded, “Did you hear about Olivia?”. Now, I don’t really know Olivia, but when your girlfriend gives you the ‘put -your-drink-down-and-listen-face, you listen. “Well, she’s doing better now,” continued Jen. (This is the mark of a true storyteller. The intro is so long that in your mind you are screaming “For the love of God, tell me!” even though just a moment ago you couldn’t have cared less, but I digress..) “She was soooo depressed after her breakup, her psychiatrist had her on a butt-load of Xanax. Too much if you ask me. She’s a tiny person,” spouted Jen. And there it was- the comment that made me almost choke on my jalapeño margarita. A perfectly healthy thirty-something year old woman was prescribed Xanax for a breakup?! I realize I sound wildly idealistic when I say that this absolutely shocked me, but when did it become okay to prescribe serious drugs for something that’s just part of life. That’s what a breakup is, a normal part of life, and not a mental disorder.

I feared for Olivia’s future because in an attempt to ‘take the edge off’, she and her doctor have robbed her of very important life lessons and growth. I suspect that what awaits her in the future is an instant replay of her last relationship, because the universe will continue to present you with opportunities to learn until you do. Even if her ex is in fact a disgusting peace of vermin, she dated that vermin, and put up with him for years. The question she should not run from is why? Something about her personality and her past attracted her to this person and she ultimately shared a relationship with him. Alas, Olivia will never know the answers to those questions, for she has bypassed the critical inner navigation system that keeps her safe and growing toward her life’s purpose.

Be The Buffalo

During Marianne Williamson’s recent book tour for her latest book, “Tears To Triumph”, I heard her mention on a podcast that buffaloes run toward a storm because they know they can’t outrun it. I believe we also have that instinct. There’s no way any adult can honestly think they can outrun, bury, or ignore, the more difficult portions of their life. Experiences has taught us that, that hurt will appear in one form or another.

Don’t Be the Martyr.

There are also those that romanticize these uglier portions of our lives. Yes, it is important to ‘feel all the feels’, but you don’t want to live in that space. Blocking off your own natural ability to heal, or seeing yourself as a victim, expels your power, lowers your energy, and leaves you wide open for another attack on your character. In a recent conversation with local energy healer, Rackie, she explains it this way:

“I don’t know if you know about vibrations, but we are energy and energy vibrates, and you can vibrate high energies of love, which are joy, happiness, excitement, and peace. You can vibrate low energies of fear, which are hate, anger, and resentment. Usually a person that is stuck in victim-mode is vibrating low. It’s probably subconscious; they are probably not even aware of their vibration and they’ll become very toxic to be around. They’ll get stuck in that mode, but it’s something they can get out of, and it’s something they did, consciously or subconsciously, as a self defense mechanism, so victim-mode keeps them, in their own minds, safe.”

Raise Your Vibe.

Let’s say you’ve decided to ‘be the buffalo’ and you’ve recognized your feelings and worked through the lessons, but you are still feeling vibrationally low. What then? How do you bring your energy back up? Rackie has some great tips on that, too:


Write about your experiences and really dissect them. Be aware of any defense mechanism you’ve created along the way, and any limiting beliefs that have brought you to this point in your life. Now, this takes a great deal of introspection. If your are not ready to be this honest with yourself, start with one of the other tips. This is the step I usually start at, so I’m listing it first.

Seek Outside Help

It is very difficult to figure yourself out when you are in the midst of the experience. Think of it like this: you are a figure in a painting, but because you are in the painting you can’t see the entire composition. That’s why you seek outside help, and don’t just stop at one doctor, psychologist, energy healer, or yoga teacher. Rackie suggests you create a holistic cure, enlisting the help of all those that resonate with you. “Seeking help is a sign of self love and a sign of high self esteem,” says Rackie. I would also argue that each person will point out different things they see about your story, and all of that knowledge can only help you along your life’s journey.

Vibrate High

Be mindful of your energy. Check in with yourself every day, either through formal meditation, yoga, or just take a few minutes in the morning and ask, “How am I feeling?” Then, actively vibrate loving energies of happiness, excitement, and peace. When we go through events that lower our vibrations into fear energies, like worry, stress, anger, or sadness, fully process those emotions. Feel them and then fully release them so that you don’t remain stuck in these vibrations, which will then continue the cycle of attracting low vibrational people, and events.

Manifest Compassion

Understand that anything anyone does ‘to you’ is not about you at all. As Will Bowen wrote, “Hurt people, hurt people.” Be mindful of others and the reasons they may be vibrating low. That’s not to say, you should be a doormat. Communicate with compassion and understanding, but don’t match their low energy.

Love Yourself First

The number one way to raise your vibrational energy is to show yourself love. Prepare yourself beautiful healthy meals to show your body you love it. Move in a way that makes your heart sing. Get your nails and hair done, and take yourself on a date. Show the world how you should be treated and the world will have no choice but to agree to your demands.

And if there’s anything that I’ve learned on this planet, it is to keep moving forward. Continuing to do, learn, and improve generates hope, and hope is really all you need to succeed.

I would love to hear about your experiences. Join the conversation by contributing below.

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